This entry is a reflection on this week’s Gospel, Jn 11:1-45 .

While in college, I told my mom that I didn’t believe in Jesus, and that I didn’t want to be Catholic, anymore. I was tired of going to church, and made the excuse that I just didn’t “feel” God in my life.

For a very long time, I presumed faith was based on how I “feel” God in my life. I pondered… the Samaritan woman at the well, to the healing of the man born blind, and this week in bringing Martha’s brother Lazarus back to life… sometimes I wished God would do some of that for me!

I realize now that I was waiting for the wrong thing, and that feelings alone are too fleeting. In these Gospel encounters leading up to Easter, the miracles aren’t the highlight, but rather the single question Jesus asks, personally. Standing face to face, eye to eye, Jesus asked, “Do you believe?”

Yes, or No?

And each – the Samaritan woman, the blind beggar, and Martha (before any miracle while Lazarus lay dead), had to make a decision.

I can only imagine what that choice would feel like. To actually stand facing Jesus. A man as kind and com-passionate as he is, yet also someone who would tell me when I am wrong. A man who would speak truth to me, in the right way, at the right time. A man who I may have seen do incredible things.

He would ask me, too, candidly, “Do YOU believe?”

So after proclaiming to my mom back then that I wanted to be Catholic no-more, I quickly realized Jesus asked the same question of me. And I wrestled with it. And asked God to ask me again… please not this week but next week. And the next week after that. And the next one, after that.

What saved my faith was to pray that God help make the choice clearer to me, regularly. I imagined Jesus standing in front of me, and asking me face to face. I could ask questions back to Jesus if I struggled.

After reading this week’s Gospel, what if you were standing there when Jesus asked Martha? What if Jesus suddenly turned to you and asked, “Do you believe?” How would you respond?

Often, when I was younger and heard this reading, I would wonder about the temptations that Jesus faced.  I would ask myself: what if the Devil came and challenged me with temptations similar to Jesus’? Would I be ready?  Deep in these thoughts about facing the Devil, I would then mentally prepare myself for the challenge.  Like an athlete before a big game, I would silently hype myself up.

“Bring it on Devil! I won’t be tempted! Bring in on!! Jesus is with me and together we’ll defeat you!”

As fast as this motivation and hype came, it fleeted away just as quick.  Because let’s face it: I knew that I wouldn’t have to face the same temptations Jesus faced.  I don’t have the power to turn stones into bread, nobody is promising me a whole city, and, even though God loves me, there are no scriptures written that indicate He’ll send His angels to “carry me.”  After all, I am not Jesus, beloved Son of God. Why, then, would the Devil care to take me on?  So as motivating as this scripture was, I always felt safe that I would never have to deal with the Devil face-to-face.

“The Devil is in the details”

As time flew by and I grew older and somewhat wiser, I came to the realization that the Devil appears to me all the time.  All of you are probably guessing that I am alluding to how we are often tempted by friends, by strangers, or a million other ways in our daily lives.  That the Devil comes from all sources and does not have to appear before us personally.  If that is your guess on where I am going, you would be right. However, you would also be wrong.  I am not saying that temptations do not come from these external sources, because they do.  But these temptations are easily recognizable.  It is easy for me to say no to a stranger or a friend tempting me with something like drugs or anything that will hurt my relationship with God.

What I am talking about is way more difficult.  It is when the Devil gets personal, real personal with me, that it becomes a different story.

“If you are the Son of God, command that these stones become loaves of bread.”

The Devil whispered this to me.  But the stones that I am presented with aren’t literal stones. Maybe it’s something I have in my grasp, like money or time.  How easy would it be for me to turn what I have been blessed with into things I want but not necessarily need?  To selfishly waste it on myself.  If I am not starving, the money I have could make someone else’s life significantly better if given away. In my experience, the free time I’ve spent on others has resulted in great relationships and created both happiness for myself and those around me.

“If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down. For it is written: He will command his angels concerning you and with their hands they will support you, lest you dash your foot against a stone.”

While I have never been tempted to test God,  I have from time to time been tempted to not trust in His plans for me.  To follow my own will instead of God’s will.  To think that I can find my own happiness without following His path.  The results have often been heartbreak and pain. God’s will and His path for me might be difficult, but I understand His ultimate plan is for my own happiness.  True happiness is with God.

“All these I shall give to you, if you will prostrate yourself and worship me.”

Another false promise dressed in gold.  It’s obvious I have never been promised a city to rule. Personally though, how often am I tempted to make choices that put myself above other people?  To make me think I am better than them?  To have a mentality that separates me from my fellow brothers and sisters and prevent a connection or a relationship? It could be something easily masked, like a career choice that makes me feel important/rich but takes me away from family, friends, and the community–the people that need me.  How many times have I made myself my own False Idol?

The temptations come when I least expect them to. In the times when it is the quietest.  Temptations come not in the voice of the Devil but in my thoughts, my logic, & my selfish desires.

Jesus, My Lord & God.  Give me the strength to conquer the temptations that draw me away from You.  Grant me wisdom so that I may follow Your example, and to understand that a relationship with God is what I truly need. Let me choose You over myself, always.

This is a re-post of an entry I made on my own blog, but updated for Giao Ly:

Mt 5:17-37

23Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there recall that your brother has anything against you,^p 24leave your gift there at the altar, go first and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

In this week’s gospel, Jesus shares great insight into the Ten Commandments, especially around Anger, Love, and Marriage.   What really struck me about this reading is that even in the midst of reviewing the commandments, Jesus reminds us of something of great importance: making right our relationships.

I was reflecting on the reading, and the word “reconcile” really jumped out at me.  Even as Jesus was recounting God’s law and commandments, Jesus asks us to take a time-out, and make our relationships right, between others, first.  There is great wisdom in that — it forces us to be true to those around us and to ourselves.  That way, my gifts offered to God can be pure and true.

Make clean my heart, o Lord!

It reminds me so much about how I can struggle in my relationships each and every day, and those feelings can change (even slightly) the motives in why I do things.  There may be someone I am envious of, or maybe someone who has upset me and I took a passive-aggressive way to deal with it.  Or maybe someone who really hurt me and I am tempted in being emotionally vengeful.

It’s really important to make that relationship right, again.  As catechists, assistant catechists, and volunteers, we often struggle with each other, too.  It may be that we were hurt with a passing comment, some feedback we received, or we’ve been feeling uneasy for a few weeks.   It could have come from a friend, a fellow catechist, a volunteer, even.

Let Jesus remind us to focus on our relationships, first, and the rest of Giao Ly will follow.

MT 5:13-16

I never gave much thought to the teachings of Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount. The analogies and parables Jesus used often made me wonder,

• What is the significance of “salt” for us to be compared to it?
• Why does Jesus make it seem like my life is so significant that I would be considered “light of the world”?

Salt, in a tasting sense, can be quite subtle, yet so essential to making a dish taste the way it should. Much like us, our presence to others may be subtle, and our absence is significant enough to not go unnoticed. We, as the salt of the earth, are personally called by Jesus to season the earth and all its people with God’s Word and goodness.

But where do we start? We already have! We are salt for our students, children, friends and family. We may not think much of it, but here are a few examples:

• Showing up for a family gathering on a non-major holiday shows so much love and devotion to our family members than we would ever express in words
• Listening to a friend’s troubles and offering insight when no one else will
• Our mere presence in class each Saturday

All of these exemplify our commitment and love for our family, friends, children, and students. We may not explicitly tell our loved ones, “I am committed to teaching/caring for you” or “I love each and every one of you”, but our actions, hard work, and heart put into everything we do for them is more than enough to show that love and commitment better than words can describe.

We are the light of the world. Whoa. That’s huge. Little do we know, we are bright, burning lights for those around us. Why must we shelter and hide that internal light from the world as if it will be dangerous or too much to handle? Let your light shine for others, because who knows, maybe your light will make all the difference for someone who feels lost in the darkness. God created us and lit a light within each and every one of us. So why would He create such a light within us just to have it hidden all the time?

Let us be reminded of our significance as salt of the Earth and light of the world. May the Lord help us to hold onto our identity as His people, His children, that we may carry ourselves according to his Will. So let that light shine forth from your good deeds! Let us go forth to glorify our heavenly Father with all our hearts, minds, and souls.

Jessica Thúy Quỳnh Vũ, Phụ Trách Tình Thân (Bonding Activities Coordinator)